As moods go, this one is pretty sad.
This weekend the United Way has a pretty major special event – Awards Night at the Movies. We are the ONLY charity in Canada with permission to show the Academy Awards up on the big screen as a fundraiser. This is our 4th year and it’s pretty special for us.
Every year we roll out the red carpet, and we had a lot of fun, getting dressed up.
Well when I started this health journey back in September, there was a real thought, some time and space decicated to the thought, that come Awards Night in 2013, I would be a much smaller person. I figured after 6 months I’d be down 4 sizes, into an 18 at least.
That was the plan. I worked my butt, but not off, as I’m only really down one.
The food tracking, the thinking, the cooking, the denial, the staying focused, the hours upon hours at the gym….I couldn’t be healthier….but I could be slimmer.
It hit me like a ton of bricks last night.
Today was an all promotion day, so I had to decide last night, what sequined and sparkly things I was going to wear for the TV appearance today, and well the radio too, not that you can see me, but it would add to the energy of the day.
It was upon searching my closet that I had remembered I’d set this target.
I wanted to walk our Red Carpet and feel fantastic, to wear something slim, to be elegant, to be comfortable in my own skin.
But alas, despite everyone’s’ best efforts, this is not the case.
Not giving up, but I am taking a moment to grieve, be upset and be angry.
I need to get past that, as I have a major special event to look after, and it’s about raising money for kid and youth projects, not about whether I can fit into a gown or not. But I so wished to be slimmer.
People donate to people, and society doesn’t much like fat people, and while donors donate to us because of the work we do, I can’t help but wonder, how much more we could do with more funds, and how much more funds we could get if I conformed more to what society wants from appearance…it’s wrong…but that doesn’t make it untruthful.
So I will pout tonight, sulk and generally be sad. And tomorrow I’ll tell myself to shake it off, think of the children, and grow up.
I don’t remember reading this, and you might already have done so, but have you had your thyroid checked?
Sounds like a big ol’ excuse BUT my sister, who was feeling perfectly fine but who could not lose 20 pounds, could not lose TWO pounds, went to see her doctor for a complete check-up and discovered that her thyroid was working at about 20%. It took 3-4 months to get her meds to the right level, but she’s been taking a small dose every day now for about a year, and she has lost the bloody 20 pounds.
According to the doc, most adults over the age of 45 should have their thyroids checked, especially if they’re having weight problems (losing too much too rapidly or not taking any off when they should be).
god, middle age sucks sometimes.
Francesca! It is so easy to get lost in what we consider our own downfalls or failures, and so difficult to pat ourselves on the back for the incredible things that we do accomplish.
It’s time you went to the mirror, and patted yourself on the back – on both sides – you deserve it! You say “I wanted to walk our Red Carpet and feel fantastic, to wear something slim, to be elegant, to be comfortable in my own skin.”
Walk the Red Carpet Fantastically – knowing that you made a goal and worked your proverbial butt off toward it. Not many people can say they did that. (pat on the back) You have tenaciously and heroically kept with the plan, even though you weren’t seeing the pounds coming off. Most people would have given up long ago, but you stuck with it. (pat on the back).
Remember you ARE wearing something slim – slimmer than last year, and you radiate! (pat on the back)
Sequins, wild hair, glowing face and a gregarious personality – sublime elegance! You made that goal too (pat on the back).
Now as you are patting your back, look in that mirror – really look. There stands a brave woman, someone who continues to battle her own demons and bares them on her sleeve for the world to learn from, and be inspired by. You change people’s lives, your heart is grand, you are smart, swashbuckling and funny as all get go! You should love your skin, because it is the beautiful packaging to a most precious and wonderful gift – that is you. (yep, pat on the back)
Now that you have been giving yourself all these pats on the back, you probably don’t need my massage services anymore!! (LOL) –
Strut the Red Carpet – love every moment, and enjoy yourself to the fullest. <3