Film Festival 020

For the past 2 weeks, and perhaps even longer, I’ve been dealing with mild panic attacks and stress induced anxiety.  I thought it was just being overwhelmed at work.

I was waking up at 3 am panicking about all the things that needed to get done at work.  So I’m dragging my butt big time because I’m exhausted.  Then I’m getting less done, which makes me stressed, which makes me panic…rinse…repeat.

Last night, so desperate for sleep, I went out, in my PJs to the drug store to buy sleeping pills.  I still woke up once in the night, but slept through until 5 am otherwise.

The other thing going on is my hair. (stay with me…this is relevant) cuppa tea

I have grey hair, and I love it.  I had a perm in September of 2012 and I loved it.  So in 2013 I had them re-perm it.  I used the local hair dressing school because 1) I can afford what they charge, and 2) I had such a great experience in 2012 I went back and 3) the school is fun and letting kids learn matters to me.  I’d often used the school for braids because they only charged $10 and I am useless at braids,  It was in one braid visit that they suggested a spiral perm would look really neat in my hair, so I tried it and loved it.

Well this winter my hair was breaking BIG time.  We kept trimming it to trying stop it, but I was pulling nests out daily.  One theory I had, was going outside after the gym, and the sub=zero temperatures freezing the hair and shattering it.

So the photo was October, and now it doesn’t touch my shoulders *weep*

But as the winter wore on and I tried different products and seemed to get a head of the breakage, but I also realized my hair stopped growing.  This really upset me as my hair grows really fast.  Which is why I never mind cutting it.

But it wasn’t growing the same way as it use to.

So while the breakage could be environmental, the growing was something else.

I had stopped taking nutritional supplements for a while to try and save money.  Well with Keto, it is highly recommended you take extra potassium and magnesium.  And considering how much I was working out, I really needed the trace minerals.

So I bit the bullet and went back to my supplements.  That seemed to help the hair and I had more energy and generally felt better.

But still the hair wasn’t growing.  It wasn’t breaking, but it wasn’t growing.  So I wondered what other trace minerals could be missing and did some Googling.  Iron was my suspicious culprit.

As I’ve been dealing with budget issues all winter, my food choices were really limited.  Not a lot of fresh veggies and certainly not a lot of green.

So in my run for sleeping pills last night, I got a bottle of iron.  Took one capsule last night and another, with all the supplements, this morning.

As the day wore on today, I began to feel more and more in control of the day.  I felt more competent in the afternoon and confident.  Which is weird because I’m a morning person.

So I began to wonder about iron and anxiety.  Another Google searched turn up some studies that linked the two.

This one sealed the connection for me: Can Iron Deficiency Cause Psychological Problems?

I worked with people with mental health challenges all the time, and I certainly don’t look at this with any greater fear, concern than I would a broken finger.  Cause = effect – manage it.

Anxiety is a psychological issue that can stem from having low iron levels. If you have low iron levels, it could trigger panic symptoms, leading to a panic attack. Panic attack symptoms include feelings of dread, fear of dying, chest tightness, headache, fear of fainting, choking symptoms, muscle weakness, insomnia and visual disturbances. In some cases, low iron levels can lead to irregular heartbeats or arrhythmias, notes the National Heart Lung and Blood Institute. A fast or irregular heart rate can trigger a panic attack, especially if you think it could lead to a heart attack or heart failure. Once your iron levels are brought into a normal range, most irregular heart rhythms and signs of panic subside.

Had all of these:

  • feelings of dread
  • chest tightness
  • headache
  • fear of fainting
  • insomnia
  • visual disturbances

I was certain, had I been around a medical professional I would have been in serious trouble.

Now I’m still anxious and we have a major special event Friday night and until that’s a success, I’m still going to be freaking out about it, but I feel calmer and more focused.

I was truly beginning to believe I was having a psychotic episode.  My thought patterns were frightening.  Glad that’s

It makes me wonder, if we could help people in poverty manage better if we gave them all a serious multi-vitamin. YES we need to give them nutrient dense food, most of all YES, but there’s no will to do that.

There’s a lot about Keto that’s good for brain health.  It’s origins are for treating epilepsy, brain health!

So why did my brain malfunction on Keto?  Lack of micro nutrients.  When you cut out food groups, you are missing things in your diet and you need to make sure you get them.  And I need to pay better attention to that.  Otherwise I’m really going to suffer.

I just hope I can sleep tonight, and that I can catch up on all the things I needed to get done, done, tomorrow.  I may even take an extra iron pill tonight, just to ramp the system up faster.

Update on all fronts

100 Mile SwimMC900439318

Just did mile 63.5.  I was on target to finish by the end of March, but decided to do the triathlon instead.  So I’m back at doing full mile swims, every other day rather than every day.  I decided to keep up some of the training from the triathlon to mix it up.

Despite going flat out swimming essentially an hour a day, the scale wasn’t moving too much.  But the intensity of the triathlon training broke the stall and I”m losing again.

General Training

As I read up on fitness and training and weight loss, changing the routine seems to be a ke
y method.  So I’m biking 10K and then either on the cross trainer, or a ski machine (which I currently HATE – I’m not co-ordinated and the posture is weird).

As for biking the 10K I did it under 18 minutes the other day, so my fitness level has been significantly improving in leaps and bounds.

FoodBeautiful Woman Enjoys Coffee

That hasn’t changed too much, although I’m hoping to BBQ for the first time in 2014 today!  Bunless burgers, Greek salad….it’s time!

Actual Weight Loss

Down 60 now.  It’s still going slow, when I think I celebrated down 50 before Christmas, but I feel its sustainable, real weight loss.  It’s not water weight, dehydration etc.  These are real honest to goodness pounds gone.


They are all over the map.  Up here, down there.  As my shape changes, things move around.  Overall there’s lots of ‘down’ but the measurements have been so inconsistent, it’s hard to know what’s right.

But we keep on course, keep to the plan


Found a new Podcast I can’t wait to try out!MM910001135

I get really bored with  my music, and the budget isn’t allowing new songs to be added with any frequency.  But I just found Podrunner and the related app.  Haven’t used it yet, but I’m excited to try it.

Basically it is free exercise music mixes for runners, joggers, power walkers, cyclists, aerobics, or anyone who can benefit from nonstop, tempo-based music when they train.

I really noticed in the triathlon how the music really helped me push through.  I knew it did, but not to the degree it would help.

So I’m going to try it this morning and see how it goes.



My mother-in-law from my second marriage passed away this morning.  She was 87, and it wasn’t a complete surprise.  But still.

Life can stop now.

I didn’t go to the gym on Thursday as I was exhausted, and while I dressed for the gym this morning, I’m still sitting on the couch and the gym is closed now.

I managed a nap, and I think I just need to take a moment and slow down for a second.  If was warmer outside, I might be tempted to go for a spring walk, but it’s cool, and I don’t wanna.

Burning though the list of ‘not yet watched’ on the PVR…so at least there’s some tidying going on there  lol

There’s a part of me that thinks I should be using these losses to create new plans, achieve goals, make goals, take on things I’ve put off etc.

And maybe in time there will be some of that.

But I think I’m all “personally developed” out for right now.  Still have my goals, dreams etc.  But to add, create something new, take on further list items, is just too much.  I need to check things off the lists before adding any more.



Easter Lily

I love lilys, and I really love Easter lilys.  I don’t have any, but I love them all the same.

The pure white, the dominate yellow, and then the fresh green of spring.

So desperate for spring.

Driving home tonight I had the radio on.  The DJ was talking about turkey dinner.  I had a panic attack – I should be making a turkey dinner?????

Well I guess in another life I would.  Or at least a fancy dinner.

But as it’s just me, not really sure what I’ll make to recognize the holiday.

The dairy allergy has prevented me from enjoying chocolate for 10 years now, and while I can get through Halloween without too much mourning, Easter is a problem.  See Halloween is about over indulgence, the quality isn’t there, but Easter is a better quality of overdose

Regardless of some of the alternatives Facebook posted in response to my rant, I don’t feel like substitute chocolate is still chocolate.  Besides, I don’t want the carbs and I certainly don’t want the calories.  I’m just naming how I feel, so I can move on from the gumps.

Will have to find some other way to make the weekend.

I’m still really out of sorts.

I’ll be going to what will be only my 2nd funeral.  I’ve been to a couple of memorial services, but not a lot of funerals.  Being an immigrant, the loss of grandparents was at a distance.

I don’t know the protocols and I’m very nervous.  I’m also very upset.  I can’t believe she’s gone.  The community is stunned.  I spoke to her boss today, and he’s just reeling.

Love…just love…that is all that matters

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