At first I thought I hated Christmas, for all the real reasons you get frustrated with the event: the pressure to shop, the pressure to produce perfect events: the office Christmas parties etc, the pressure to be and make everything perfect.
But I can cope with that. Making a budget and doing a lot of my shopping spread over the fall has really helped this year.
Giving up sugar makes Christmas kinda weird. Still trying to do the traditions with the family, but not indulging yourself. It’s just not worth it. Worked so hard to get here, falling off the wagon, even for just one day, makes it so hard to get back on. And it you do recover and get back on easily, it’s then too easy to make that a regular occurance. At least for me that’s how I work: all or nothing, in or out.
This year was a tough Christmas, I’m struggling this year with the empty nest. Really struggling, and I don’t know why.
I had plans to visit with friends and feast on Christmas Day with them, but a mild, but icky, stomach bug kept me home on the couch. While the worst of it was Christmas Eve, this was not something to be shared with others.
My poor Up band, didn’t even register over 1500 steps in 48 hours, Christmas Day didn’t even get over 500 steps!
And by the time I started feeling better Christmas Day night, I knew I was restless for movement again. It’s 2 km door to door to the office, and I might just walk/jog over to just check on the building. That will boost my steps to where they should be.
But being sick withstanding, I’m still struggling to resolve ‘Christmas’ in a way that works for me.
I have moral issues (not to mention budget issues) with the whole ‘go south’ for the week/day. There’s a sense of entitlement of going to a place where staff need to attend to you, and while it’s one thing as a vacation vacation, it’s another to do so as a distraction for a high holiday. Entertain me people! Everyone needs to have the day they wish.
I guess heading to a culture that does not observe Christmas would work I guess. Will mull that over. Not happening for budget reasons, but still, mulling doesn’t hurt.
The kids were home for 5 days, left lunch time Christmas Eve.
And while we fall into old patterns, we really seem awkward around each other. Our lives are diverging, and that’s ok. If that’s what is happening naturally. Adult children are adults, and we raise them to follow their own paths and dreams, that’s really important. We should never make our children responsible for our own happiness.
As a single person, there’s no ‘spouse’ to turn to to focus on new ideas, new plans, renewal of a relationship.
So I need some goals and dreams of my own, outside of work. Within work there are tons of goals and dreams, but I fell into the work 18 hours a day trap when the youngest went off to college.
I need to review the goals and achievements of 2014, what worked, what didn’t, and go from there.
I’ve been in a holding patterns since the election loss. Just recovering from that effort as well as the work overload that’s been happening.
So now what….suggestions?